Thursday, August 23, 2012

Returning After a Hiatus (Which Was At Least Partly Forced and Also Involved Some Punishment)

As is easily seen from the date of my last post, it's been more than three months(!) since my last post here.  There are a few reasons for the long hiatus, some of them pretty routine and some more...interesting.

To start, i traveled for much of May and June and just didn't spend a lot of time near a computer.  While J and i did spend much of that time together--and did engage in some fun "on the road" femdom activities that may have made for interesting posts--it just honestly became a lower priority to write while traveling.  i did sit down a few times to start writing a post, but inevitably i got distracted by something or just ended up a little too wiped out to write.

Then when i got back i was sick for about three weeks, nothing too serious but one of those long lingering kind of cold-flu things that just wipes you out.  i did try and remain a good sub to J during that time, but it did severly limit our opportunities to further explore our ever-growing femdom relationship.

So those are the boring for the more interesting one.

i must begin with a confession: i began this blog as a bit of a lark, and wasn't sure if i would ever actually post anything or keep it up for very long.  Thus, i felt it unnecessary to inform my beautiful Wife and Goddess J of this blog's existence, at least at first.  As i wrote a few more posts i still for whatever reason didn't feel like i needed to inform Her that i was writing about our lives, even if i felt a growing unease at the idea of keeping anything from Her.  i was enjoying the writing, and was unsure how She would feel if i told Her about it, especially after i had let it go for a while already.  And yet of course i absolutely should have told Her--after all, part of adoring one's amazing Wife is being fully open with Her about what you do, and making sure She approves.  Not telling Her was completely unacceptable behavior, and as you have probably already guessed, this blog was a secret that did not stay hidden.

J discovered the existence of this blog a little while ago when i inadvertently left the Blogger page open on my computer one day before leaving for work.  She has variable hours at Her job and it was a weekday that She actually had off, and so was home all day.  Sometime during the day She must have tried to use my computer and found the page. i (of course) had no idea of Her discovery when i returned home that day...

As soon as i entered the house i could tell something was amiss.  J must have heard me come up the driveway because She was waiting in the entryway for me, sitting on the stairs with a (very) stern look in Her eye.  With a harsher voice than usual She immediately ordered me to strip and kneel, forehead on the ground.  i did as commanded, still unsure as to what was up but with a growing fear inside me.

J stood up and placed Her foot on my head, squashing my face to the floor.

"So've been keeping something from me, haven't you?" She asked.

As ridiculous as it sounds, i tried to play coy.  "What do you mean?" i asked foolishly.

J ground my nose into the carpet with Her foot, Her voice rising.  "What do you mean, 'what do i mean!?'" She yelled, grinding my face harder.  "What do you think i mean, you piece of shit?"

i was taken aback...J does not typically swear that much, even when in "Domme Mode."  It was then that i heart sank and guts wrenched as i forced out a meager apology through the carpet, writhing as She ground my face deeper in.

"i'm sorry my Lady," i kept repeating feebly.  J was unimpressed.

"You have been writing about us and felt like you didn't need to tell me, isn't that true?" She asked.

"Yes...and i'm so sorry!" i garbled out, my face still mashed under Her foot.

"That's should be sorry.  And I will make sure you are," J replied ominously.  "Now get up."

She removed Her foot and allowed me to return to a kneeling position.  She then commanded me to crawl up the stairs to the living room, kissing the ground beneath Her feet on the way as She sat on the couch with me kneeling before Her, eyes lowered.

"So...i have read your blog, slave.  To start, I am upset with you for doing this without asking me, and for letting it go on without telling me.  You should have asked me for permission first, and you are as of right now no longer allowed to write.  Is that clear?"

"Yes my Lady" i stammered out.

J then outlined a series of punishments to give me a chance to make amends.  She explained that She was not sure yet how She truly felt about the blog, but the one thing She did know was that my secrecy required immediate--and severe--repercussions.

To start, all internet and computer activities were suspended until J said otherwise.

i was also immediately put into chastity, with no release in sight, yet plenty of teasing and denial to torture me.  And obviously lots of orgasms for J while i was not allowed any.

J then decided that since i had taken it upon myself to write, i could start writing for Her daily.  Starting immediately i was given daily line writing.  To take one example, for three straight days i was required to write this phrase 500 times a day: "i am lucky to be married to an amazing and very understanding woman, and am even luckier to be Her slave when She sees fit to allow me to serve.  The fact that i started a blog without Her permission is totally inexcusable, and i deserve all the punishment She deems fit."

i was also forced to draw from the punishment box twice a day, once in the morning and once in the evening.

For some of the time i was in the penalty box J required that i kneel before Her and receive at least five sharp slaps to the face every time i entered or left Her company.  This was not only coming and going for work in the mornings or evenings, but even every time i had to go to the bathroom or to the kitchen in the house as well.  With each transition i knelt before Her and was slapped, whether coming or going.  

i was not allowed to sleep with Her in the bed, and was either kept on the floor or on the couch.

Depending on Her mood, J also added some new punishments and activities to put me in my place.  For a couple of days we kept a ball gag by the door and i was required to be naked and gagged for every second i was in the house.  For a time i was also required to wear a pair of Her panties, which is not something we ever engage in during more playful femdom times, but is something i hate and thus made a good punishment.

There were of course lots of floggings and other activities as well.  And i spent those couple of weeks completely and utterly in servitude to Her, tending to every need, buying Her flowers, chocolates and everything else She may want, doing every chore and really having no time for myself at all.  While we have engaged in some periods like that in the past this was the first time we spent a prolonged stretch in a more "24/7" kind of mode.  Not something we want to do long-term (at least i don't think so) but seemed right given my mistake and the need for some...calibration.

J eventually decided i had been properly put in my place and began to loosen many restrictions and lessen the punishments.  Things got back to where they had been, with varying levels of femdom in our marriage depending on J's mood.  i am deeply grateful for Her understanding, and for the effort She made to put me in my place and make sure i remembered where that place is.  We also talked deeply about what i had done and worked it out through communication, which combined with all the punishments seems to have set things right. 

In fact, i was surprised and deeply gratified a couple of days ago when J told me that now that She was able to look past my mistake She quite enjoyed reading the blog, and was warming to the idea.  Obviously that led to Her giving me permission to return to blogging, which i am happy about not only because i enjoy it but because it makes me feel like J has forgiven me.  She now (of course) reads and approves all posts, and seems to be entertaining the idea of posting Herself from time to time, which i hope happens.

So that's the story of why i've been away...i am deeply ashamed of my behavior but even more deeply grateful (as always) that i have been lucky enough to find such an amazing Wife who is so understanding and forgiving.  i should be posting more frequently again, and as i said hopefully we will also see J making the occasional appearance here as well!      


  1. It sounds as though you have learned your lesson after all of that and it's great to see you blogging again. Being gagged for long periods can be very painful, sometimes I can feel it for day's when mine has been on very tightly for a protracted period. J sounds a wonderful Mistress, you must have been very sorry to have blogged without her permission. It sounds as though you endured a long period of 24/7 with considerable fortitude though, so well done. It's really hard to do that (at least, I find it hard, but then it's all part of showing how sorry you are).. If it were me I think the 5 face slaps when entering or leaving Js presence would have been the hardest!

    1. it was hard...but of course it should have been hard! i totally accepted all of J's punishments, and honestly am grateful She didn't dole out more. And yes, the five slaps were probably the worst, especially when it was things as simple as going to the bathroom or getting up for a drink. In fact, J sometimes wickedly would order me to to fetch Her something (like a glass of wine) and even when under those orders i still had to submit to the slaps. My cheeks pretty much stung a little all the time through that.

      And i agree, J is a wonderful Wife and Mistress, and i am completely grateful to be under Her spell!

    2. It's ionic that both your wife and mine are known as "J" (mine is called Julie -and she is French - what about yours? )

    3. Well, for now J has requested i not sue our full names, so i am following those instructions. But i can say that She is not named Julie, and She's not French, so hopefully that will prevent any confusion. :-)