Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Cognitive Dissonance

The other night J and i were having a lovely quiet evening at home. She was lying on the couch and i was gently massaging Her feet off and on as She desired while we watched a movie.  i adore this kind of mellow control, and i was, of course, horny as hell, as i pretty much always seem to be whenever J has me serving Her.

J smiled knowingly..."Awww...getting distracted, dear?"

She laughed as She slid Her foot between my legs, feeling how hard i was.  i breathed heavily, which was all the answer She needed.

"Well let's go then," J looked at me.

We stood up and began walking from the living room to the bedroom. Halfway there, over Her shoulder, J said "crawl."  i of course complied, once again adoring the casual way in which She asserted Her control.

We got to the bedroom and J had me lie on my back. She then climbed on top and soon i was inside Her.  As always, the rush of pleasure was immense.  And as always, J instructed me not to cum without permission.

She then grabbed Her small vibe and using "both of Her sex toys" as She likes to say She had multiple orgasms as i gazed up at Her adoringly.

J then began ricking Her hips and told me it was my turn.  i was already quivering as She rode me, feeling the explosion build up inside of me. 

At just the right moment, as i was gasping, shaking and my eyes were wide J grabbed me by the throat, brought Her face close and stared right into me. 

"Do you want me to deny You, slave?!?  Or should i let you cum?" 

J had never quite asked me this before, and especially not when i was so close.  It seemed to cause a kind of misfire in my brain, as i often love the notion of J controlling my orgasms and teasing me with that power.  But She had never done it when i was so close to orgasm before, and i found myself sputtering...it was like my brain had shortcircuited and i found myself just sort of bleating out random sounds.

J seemed delighted..."well? Answer me, slave!  Should I deny you? Or does slave want to cum?"

It was unlike anything i had ever experienced...denial had always been a confusing thing for me, as i long for the control and submission implied by having my orgasms controlled by J, but at the same time am a simple horny slave who is pretty much aroused all the time around Her.  As J drove that point to a head by choosing this moment i found that dissonance to be almost overwhelming.

"Whatever you wish, my Lady," i breathed.

"Oh no, slave. I want you to make this choice," J responded, as if She was ready for what i was going to say.

i gazed up at Her...and eventually breathed out the words "deny me, my Lady."  i honestly wasn't sure if i could stop, and saw the smile on J's face as She loomed over me rocking Her hips.

"Good answer, slave," She whispered. "And now you are going to cum for me."

My mind reeled and raced as J then simply grabbed my wrists, pinned them over my head with Her hands and rode me until i exploded inside of Her.  i screamed and yelled and shook, the mental stimulation of J's mindgame matching the physical sensations of release.  It was really quite wonderful...

Afterwards as we cuddled J said She was pleased and proud of me for giving myself to Her the way i had.  She had planned it all along as a sort of test, more out of Her own curiosity than anything else...and basically was planning to do the opposite of whatever i asked for.  Of course i had no idea that was Her plan, and am quite happy that i answered the way i did. 

my little sub mind is still reeling as i write this, wondering how i would have felt had J actually denied me in that moment.  J has said that She really enjoyed that moment when She asked me when i was in such a visceral state, as She said She may have never seen such wide eyes in all our time together.  So i suspect this will not be the last time J plays this kind of mind game with me at *just* the right instant.  Wonder what it will be next time...:)

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Punished, Part 2

Recently i accidentally deleted a comment from the wondrous Lady Grey that was intended for J. It was an accident of carelessness, but as i wronged not only my wonderful J but also the lovely Lady Grey it was one that J decided needed strict and harsh punishment.

J also wanted to make sure Lady Grey felt vindicated, so She asked Lady Grey to suggest a punishment, which J then carried out with delicious pleasure. That was a breathless experience, and i was shuddering to think what J's punishment for me would be. But we have been very busy the last couple of months, and J had to unexpectedly leave town for work for a while, so i was kept waiting in suspense, wondering what that punishment would be.

The other day i finally found out.

J was i think in some way inspired by Lady Grey, and Her punishment for me also focused on the idea of attention. J began by tying to to a chair and clamping my nipples, and then the line writing began.

"Now slave, you are to write 'i will be sure to pay extra attention to everything concerning my Lady, and never make such a stupid mistake again.'  you will write this as many times as I wish...but to start I want you to write it once, then I will twist your clamps for one second, remove them and replace them. Then you will write it twice, I will twist your clamps for 2 seconds and remove and replace them. And so on...got it?"

"Yes my Lady," i whispered, gazing into Her eyes.


i wrote the line out, already shaking. J inspected, sat on my lap, looked me in the eye.

She grabbed my nipple clamps and twisted, HARD. "One." She said

i yelped and breathed out a thank You. J then removed them, replaced them and had me go again.

After my two lines J again straddled me and twisted the clamps. "One....." i was already breathing heavily.  "Two." J smiled wickedly. "What do you say?"

"Thank You, my Lady."

J slapped me once, removed the clamps and replaced them again. "Go." She ordered.

i wrote three lines this time, J straddled me and teased me by briefly moving Her hips up and down, teasing me mercilessly. Then She stopped, and began the twisting of my clamps. my nipples were screeeeeaaaaming by the time She counted three.

This continued for a while, and then J decided to mix it up.


i stood, and almost immediately felt the harsh STING of the switch across my ass. J ruthlessly cropped me, my feet dancing as i fell under harsh blow after harsh blow.

"Now sit."

i sat, and almost jumped out of my seat when i felt the sandpaper J had put down!

"SIT!" J ordered.

i squirmed onto the chair and J told me to start writing lines again. As i did She knelt down and tied each of my feet to the side of the narrow wooden chair, lifting them off the floor and suspending them in mid air. This forced my already red and stinging ass down on the sandpaper, which hurt! And as i squirmed it only hurt more...

J grabbed me by the hair and yanked my head back, then kissed me deeply before slapping me once and gazing into my eyes.

"Who do you belong to?" She demanded.

"You, my Lady," i breathed, my mind and body reeling already at the pain, pleasure and torment, and at how angry and in control She seemed.

"Good slave..." J breathed and kissed me again, sliding Her hand between my legs and teasing me for a few wondrous seconds.  my breath was coming out in gasps when J stopped, the rush of pleasure mixing with the pain in my nipples and ass to become almost overwhelming.

J grabbed my hair again and directed my face down. "Start writing again!" She commanded.

i found myself rushing through the lines, my whole body filled with adrenaline...and i found myself making mistakes in the first couple lines. Though it was due to being overwhelmed by J's control and teasing, it was still--of course--unacceptable.

J grabbed the paper and wrinkled it up and stuffed it into my mouth.  "Start again!"

i began writing, slowing myself down and willing myself to pay closer attention. J's lesson was definitely sinking in...and it become even more obvious as Her riding crop SMACKED down on the exposed sole of my left foot. i gasped and screamed against the paper gag, but J simply stared at me and raised Her crop again.

Down came the crop, mercilessly torturing my feet and i wrote again. i lost count of how many strikes She delivered, i just knew that my feet were now joining my ass and nipples as screaming in pain.

After a while J looked over my lines...i had, it turned out, begun to learn as i had not made any mistakes and J seemed pleased. Or at least a little surprised by my relative success.

"Hmmm...better, slave. Much better. Think you have learned your lesson?"

i looked up at Her, my Wife...my Owner...unsure of what to say. i felt better about actually paying attention, but was unsure what the right answer would be. Plus i was still gagged with the paper ball of my past mistakes.

i nodded briefly...tentatively. J smiled and removed my paper gag. She then kissed me deeply again, straddling me and slowly, maddening slowly, bucking Her hips as She teased me. She then grabbed each nipple and twisted cruelly, staring into my eyes as i gasped, whimpered and tried to keep still.

"Wellll....maybe you have.  But let's be sure...."

J untied me, grabbed me by ear and dragged me to the bedroom. My feet stung, ass was burning and nipples were still aflame. She had me lie on the bed and ordered my legs spread and hands over my head.

J then returned with a wooden spoon from the kitchen and climbed on the bed, sitting between my spread legs.

"Now...do you remember what I had you write?" J looked at me with steel in Her eyes.  my mind raced to recall, the flood of everything that had happened seemingly colliding together as i strained to remember. Thankfully i breathed out the right phrase...and J smiled with pleasure.

"Good slave! Now...will you be sure to pay more attention from now on?"

"YES My Lady," i practically shouted.

"Good. Now...one last thing before your punishment is complete. I am going to smack your balls 30 times with this wooden spoon. After each one you are to say 'thank You my Lady, please hit me again.' This is not going to be pleasant, but I will promise you that if you do this, and be earnest in your desire for each smack, that this will complete your punishment."

i stared at Her, my eyes wide...i felt so much like Her slave and longed to please her that i quickly replied "Yes, my Lady," and spread my legs wider.

J raised the wooden spoon and smacked it down. i gasped and writhed, but quickly breathed out "thank You my Lady, please hit me again!"

J continued the torture...i found myself writhing, tears in my eyes, my whole body shaking, yet after each blow i was able to say the words She required. i was so deep into feeling like Hers that i lost count of the blows...lost sight of everything but Her...and felt myself truly and fully owned.

Eventually J reached 30 times. i honestly had no idea it was over until She crawled on top of me and whispered "good job, slave. your punishment is complete," and kissed me deeply.

It was the most intense punishment J has ever given, and one that i do truly appreciate. And i am now a much more attentive slave than i was before...and am grateful for that.