Cognitive Dissonance

The other night J and i were having a lovely quiet evening at home. She was lying on the couch and i was gently massaging Her feet off and on as She desired while we watched a movie.  i adore this kind of mellow control, and i was, of course, horny as hell, as i pretty much always seem to be whenever J has me serving Her.

J smiled knowingly..."Awww...getting distracted, dear?"

She laughed as She slid Her foot between my legs, feeling how hard i was.  i breathed heavily, which was all the answer She needed.

"Well let's go then," J looked at me.

We stood up and began walking from the living room to the bedroom. Halfway there, over Her shoulder, J said "crawl."  i of course complied, once again adoring the casual way in which She asserted Her control.

We got to the bedroom and J had me lie on my back. She then climbed on top and soon i was inside Her.  As always, the rush of pleasure was immense.  And as always, J instructed me not to cum without permission.

She then grabbed Her small vibe and using "both of Her sex toys" as She likes to say She had multiple orgasms as i gazed up at Her adoringly.

J then began ricking Her hips and told me it was my turn.  i was already quivering as She rode me, feeling the explosion build up inside of me. 

At just the right moment, as i was gasping, shaking and my eyes were wide J grabbed me by the throat, brought Her face close and stared right into me. 

"Do you want me to deny You, slave?!?  Or should i let you cum?" 

J had never quite asked me this before, and especially not when i was so close.  It seemed to cause a kind of misfire in my brain, as i often love the notion of J controlling my orgasms and teasing me with that power.  But She had never done it when i was so close to orgasm before, and i found myself sputtering...it was like my brain had shortcircuited and i found myself just sort of bleating out random sounds.

J seemed delighted..."well? Answer me, slave!  Should I deny you? Or does slave want to cum?"

It was unlike anything i had ever experienced...denial had always been a confusing thing for me, as i long for the control and submission implied by having my orgasms controlled by J, but at the same time am a simple horny slave who is pretty much aroused all the time around Her.  As J drove that point to a head by choosing this moment i found that dissonance to be almost overwhelming.

"Whatever you wish, my Lady," i breathed.

"Oh no, slave. I want you to make this choice," J responded, as if She was ready for what i was going to say.

i gazed up at Her...and eventually breathed out the words "deny me, my Lady."  i honestly wasn't sure if i could stop, and saw the smile on J's face as She loomed over me rocking Her hips.

"Good answer, slave," She whispered. "And now you are going to cum for me."

My mind reeled and raced as J then simply grabbed my wrists, pinned them over my head with Her hands and rode me until i exploded inside of Her.  i screamed and yelled and shook, the mental stimulation of J's mindgame matching the physical sensations of release.  It was really quite wonderful...

Afterwards as we cuddled J said She was pleased and proud of me for giving myself to Her the way i had.  She had planned it all along as a sort of test, more out of Her own curiosity than anything else...and basically was planning to do the opposite of whatever i asked for.  Of course i had no idea that was Her plan, and am quite happy that i answered the way i did. 

my little sub mind is still reeling as i write this, wondering how i would have felt had J actually denied me in that moment.  J has said that She really enjoyed that moment when She asked me when i was in such a visceral state, as She said She may have never seen such wide eyes in all our time together.  So i suspect this will not be the last time J plays this kind of mind game with me at *just* the right instant.  Wonder what it will be next time...:)