Cognitive Dissonance

The other night J and i were having a lovely quiet evening at home. She was lying on the couch and i was gently massaging Her feet off and on as She desired while we watched a movie.  i adore this kind of mellow control, and i was, of course, horny as hell, as i pretty much always seem to be whenever J has me serving Her.

J smiled knowingly..."Awww...getting distracted, dear?"

She laughed as She slid Her foot between my legs, feeling how hard i was.  i breathed heavily, which was all the answer She needed.

"Well let's go then," J looked at me.

We stood up and began walking from the living room to the bedroom. Halfway there, over Her shoulder, J said "crawl."  i of course complied, once again adoring the casual way in which She asserted Her control.

We got to the bedroom and J had me lie on my back. She then climbed on top and soon i was inside Her.  As always, the rush of pleasure was immense.  And as always, J instructed me not to cum without permission.

She then grabbed Her small vibe and using "both of Her sex toys" as She likes to say She had multiple orgasms as i gazed up at Her adoringly.

J then began ricking Her hips and told me it was my turn.  i was already quivering as She rode me, feeling the explosion build up inside of me. 

At just the right moment, as i was gasping, shaking and my eyes were wide J grabbed me by the throat, brought Her face close and stared right into me. 

"Do you want me to deny You, slave?!?  Or should i let you cum?" 

J had never quite asked me this before, and especially not when i was so close.  It seemed to cause a kind of misfire in my brain, as i often love the notion of J controlling my orgasms and teasing me with that power.  But She had never done it when i was so close to orgasm before, and i found myself sputtering...it was like my brain had shortcircuited and i found myself just sort of bleating out random sounds.

J seemed delighted..."well? Answer me, slave!  Should I deny you? Or does slave want to cum?"

It was unlike anything i had ever experienced...denial had always been a confusing thing for me, as i long for the control and submission implied by having my orgasms controlled by J, but at the same time am a simple horny slave who is pretty much aroused all the time around Her.  As J drove that point to a head by choosing this moment i found that dissonance to be almost overwhelming.

"Whatever you wish, my Lady," i breathed.

"Oh no, slave. I want you to make this choice," J responded, as if She was ready for what i was going to say.

i gazed up at Her...and eventually breathed out the words "deny me, my Lady."  i honestly wasn't sure if i could stop, and saw the smile on J's face as She loomed over me rocking Her hips.

"Good answer, slave," She whispered. "And now you are going to cum for me."

My mind reeled and raced as J then simply grabbed my wrists, pinned them over my head with Her hands and rode me until i exploded inside of Her.  i screamed and yelled and shook, the mental stimulation of J's mindgame matching the physical sensations of release.  It was really quite wonderful...

Afterwards as we cuddled J said She was pleased and proud of me for giving myself to Her the way i had.  She had planned it all along as a sort of test, more out of Her own curiosity than anything else...and basically was planning to do the opposite of whatever i asked for.  Of course i had no idea that was Her plan, and am quite happy that i answered the way i did. 

my little sub mind is still reeling as i write this, wondering how i would have felt had J actually denied me in that moment.  J has said that She really enjoyed that moment when She asked me when i was in such a visceral state, as She said She may have never seen such wide eyes in all our time together.  So i suspect this will not be the last time J plays this kind of mind game with me at *just* the right instant.  Wonder what it will be next time...:)

Punished, Part 2

Recently i accidentally deleted a comment from the wondrous Lady Grey that was intended for J. It was an accident of carelessness, but as i wronged not only my wonderful J but also the lovely Lady Grey it was one that J decided needed strict and harsh punishment.

J also wanted to make sure Lady Grey felt vindicated, so She asked Lady Grey to suggest a punishment, which J then carried out with delicious pleasure. That was a breathless experience, and i was shuddering to think what J's punishment for me would be. But we have been very busy the last couple of months, and J had to unexpectedly leave town for work for a while, so i was kept waiting in suspense, wondering what that punishment would be.

The other day i finally found out.

J was i think in some way inspired by Lady Grey, and Her punishment for me also focused on the idea of attention. J began by tying to to a chair and clamping my nipples, and then the line writing began.

"Now slave, you are to write 'i will be sure to pay extra attention to everything concerning my Lady, and never make such a stupid mistake again.'  you will write this as many times as I wish...but to start I want you to write it once, then I will twist your clamps for one second, remove them and replace them. Then you will write it twice, I will twist your clamps for 2 seconds and remove and replace them. And so on...got it?"

"Yes my Lady," i whispered, gazing into Her eyes.

"Begin."

i wrote the line out, already shaking. J inspected, sat on my lap, looked me in the eye.

She grabbed my nipple clamps and twisted, HARD. "One." She said

i yelped and breathed out a thank You. J then removed them, replaced them and had me go again.

After my two lines J again straddled me and twisted the clamps. "One....." i was already breathing heavily.  "Two." J smiled wickedly. "What do you say?"

"Thank You, my Lady."

J slapped me once, removed the clamps and replaced them again. "Go." She ordered.

i wrote three lines this time, J straddled me and teased me by briefly moving Her hips up and down, teasing me mercilessly. Then She stopped, and began the twisting of my clamps. my nipples were screeeeeaaaaming by the time She counted three.

This continued for a while, and then J decided to mix it up.

"Stand."

i stood, and almost immediately felt the harsh STING of the switch across my ass. J ruthlessly cropped me, my feet dancing as i fell under harsh blow after harsh blow.

"Now sit."

i sat, and almost jumped out of my seat when i felt the sandpaper J had put down!

"SIT!" J ordered.

i squirmed onto the chair and J told me to start writing lines again. As i did She knelt down and tied each of my feet to the side of the narrow wooden chair, lifting them off the floor and suspending them in mid air. This forced my already red and stinging ass down on the sandpaper, which hurt! And as i squirmed it only hurt more...

J grabbed me by the hair and yanked my head back, then kissed me deeply before slapping me once and gazing into my eyes.

"Who do you belong to?" She demanded.

"You, my Lady," i breathed, my mind and body reeling already at the pain, pleasure and torment, and at how angry and in control She seemed.

"Good slave..." J breathed and kissed me again, sliding Her hand between my legs and teasing me for a few wondrous seconds.  my breath was coming out in gasps when J stopped, the rush of pleasure mixing with the pain in my nipples and ass to become almost overwhelming.

J grabbed my hair again and directed my face down. "Start writing again!" She commanded.

i found myself rushing through the lines, my whole body filled with adrenaline...and i found myself making mistakes in the first couple lines. Though it was due to being overwhelmed by J's control and teasing, it was still--of course--unacceptable.

J grabbed the paper and wrinkled it up and stuffed it into my mouth.  "Start again!"

i began writing, slowing myself down and willing myself to pay closer attention. J's lesson was definitely sinking in...and it become even more obvious as Her riding crop SMACKED down on the exposed sole of my left foot. i gasped and screamed against the paper gag, but J simply stared at me and raised Her crop again.

Down came the crop, mercilessly torturing my feet and i wrote again. i lost count of how many strikes She delivered, i just knew that my feet were now joining my ass and nipples as screaming in pain.

After a while J looked over my lines...i had, it turned out, begun to learn as i had not made any mistakes and J seemed pleased. Or at least a little surprised by my relative success.

"Hmmm...better, slave. Much better. Think you have learned your lesson?"

i looked up at Her, my Wife...my Owner...unsure of what to say. i felt better about actually paying attention, but was unsure what the right answer would be. Plus i was still gagged with the paper ball of my past mistakes.

i nodded briefly...tentatively. J smiled and removed my paper gag. She then kissed me deeply again, straddling me and slowly, maddening slowly, bucking Her hips as She teased me. She then grabbed each nipple and twisted cruelly, staring into my eyes as i gasped, whimpered and tried to keep still.

"Wellll....maybe you have.  But let's be sure...."

J untied me, grabbed me by ear and dragged me to the bedroom. My feet stung, ass was burning and nipples were still aflame. She had me lie on the bed and ordered my legs spread and hands over my head.

J then returned with a wooden spoon from the kitchen and climbed on the bed, sitting between my spread legs.

"Now...do you remember what I had you write?" J looked at me with steel in Her eyes.  my mind raced to recall, the flood of everything that had happened seemingly colliding together as i strained to remember. Thankfully i breathed out the right phrase...and J smiled with pleasure.

"Good slave! Now...will you be sure to pay more attention from now on?"

"YES My Lady," i practically shouted.

"Good. Now...one last thing before your punishment is complete. I am going to smack your balls 30 times with this wooden spoon. After each one you are to say 'thank You my Lady, please hit me again.' This is not going to be pleasant, but I will promise you that if you do this, and be earnest in your desire for each smack, that this will complete your punishment."

i stared at Her, my eyes wide...i felt so much like Her slave and longed to please her that i quickly replied "Yes, my Lady," and spread my legs wider.

J raised the wooden spoon and smacked it down. i gasped and writhed, but quickly breathed out "thank You my Lady, please hit me again!"

J continued the torture...i found myself writhing, tears in my eyes, my whole body shaking, yet after each blow i was able to say the words She required. i was so deep into feeling like Hers that i lost count of the blows...lost sight of everything but Her...and felt myself truly and fully owned.

Eventually J reached 30 times. i honestly had no idea it was over until She crawled on top of me and whispered "good job, slave. your punishment is complete," and kissed me deeply.

It was the most intense punishment J has ever given, and one that i do truly appreciate. And i am now a much more attentive slave than i was before...and am grateful for that.

Punished, Part 1

A little while ago i made a grave mistake...i accidentally deleted a comment from the wonderful Lady Grey, who has been kind enough to share Her thoughts and suggestions with us on this blog. That is bad enough, but even worse it was a comment intended for my Lady J, and She was unable to read it before i stupidly deleted it.

i was mortified at my mistake, and J was furious. Lady Grey was also upset, which made things even worse as i am a great admirer of Hers and always very grateful that She takes the time to read and comment on this blog.

So...punishment was definitely in order. Obviously J was going to punish me severely for my transgression, but She also decided that Lady Grey should have the chance to suggest a punishment as well. Which She did as a comment on this previous post, part of which i have reprinted below:

Therefore, my suggestion to J is that she seat you at a writing table, and attach the clover clamps to your nipples. Using her favorite string, J would then tie one end to the chain between the clamps and the other end to your wrists so that the tension on the string is taut and your body bent a bit forward when you're writing. Once that position is reached, I would ask J to move the papers you're going to write on another few inches away from your hands, with instructions that your body should not move forward any farther. That should supply a considerable amount of tension between your hands and the clamps, with adjustments that I'm sure J can make.

Now the writing. I'd suggest that you fill one page with about 25 lines of the following:
"I will never again accidentally erase comments to my blog". After a page is complete, J should kindly remove your clamps, check for accuracy and neatness, and then replace the clamps in either the same or a slightly different spot (my personal preference) on your nipples. I would think that four pages of this assignment, with the clamps going off and on with each page, would be sufficient, but J certainly has the option of increasing that amount if she's unhappy with the look of your writing. No doubt you will be somewhat amazed at the increased level of discomfort with each "off and on". Should be great fun, don't you think, and a reminder to be more careful in the future.

I might add, as I did in the "lost" comment, that my husband has been trained not to make a sound when clamps go on and off. Not a yell, not even a gasp. It took awhile for him to achieve this, but I certainly enjoyed the training sessions and the punishments for any failures on his part. Now, he is quite good about the lack of "noise" I desire. Just a thought:)

 J smiled wide when She read this and deemed it an excellent punishment. She also told me that there would be extensive punishment from her as well. We were unable to find the time for a little while due to various life things (work, colds, etc.) but last weekend J unleashed both Lady Grey's punishment as well as the one from Her. i have decided to cover my punishment from Lady Grey here first, then J's punishment for me in a later post.

J began with Lady Grey's punishment as outlined above. We don't a writing table per se, but J positioned me at the dining room table for this punishment. i was naked, with my balls secured to the chair back behind me with a string between my legs, to further keep me in place and remind me not to move forward while writing.

J attached the clamps to my nipples and the string to my wrist, then smiled as She slid the papers *just* out of reach. i had to slide my hand to start writing, and the tension on my nipples was already intense as i began. i got through the first page of 25 lines with J watching, a wicked smile on Her face. As suggested, J removed my clamps as She inspected my work.

As also suggested by Lady Grey, J ordered me to be silent as the clamps came on and off...i was able to do so when they came off, but failed when J put them back on, a sharp intake of breath and a yelp giving me away.

J just smiled, balled up the paper with my first set of lines on it and threw it away and said, "well...now you have to start again, don't you dear?"

i felt my heart sink, meekly said "yes, my Lady," and began again.

i did the 25 lines again and awaited J's evaluation. She removed the clamps again and slid the chain into my mouth. My nipples were already screaming as the blood rushed back to them, but i stayed silent as J read my work. She deemed the lines acceptable, and i was able to keep silent when the clamps came back on so i was allowed to start page 2. J slid the papers a little farther away and told me to begin.

i was breathing a little heavy, my nipples screaming from the pain as my hand moved to write the second set of lines. Beads of sweat formed on my forehead as i concentrated, Lady Grey's admonition to pay attention to what i was doing ringing in my head.

i finished the second set of lines and J deemed those acceptable as well. i breathed a sigh of relief, especially after i struggled, but succeeded, to stay silent as the clamps came off and on again. J slid the papers farther away and ordered me to begin again.

i was struggling as i made my way through the third set of lines, but finished. J removed my clamps and it took all i had not to scream as the clamps came off as She reviewed my work. After a minute She balled up the paper and threw it in my face.

"You made two mistakes already and I'm not even halfway down the page!" J slapped me hard across the face, her eyes flashing angrily.

i was mortified. "i...i'm sorry my Lady."

J slid my chair back away from the table and climbed on my lap, straddling me and staring right into my eyes.

"Sorry?!? That's not good enough...do you not appreciate the time...the thought that Lady Grey and I are putting into your punishment?!" J's eyes flashed as She stared into me.

"i...i do my Lady," i whimpered back, ashamed at my failings. "i deserve all the punishment You and Lady Grey deem necessary."

J stared at me. "Make me believe you," was all She said.

J then grabbed my throbbing nipples and twisted them cruelly. i screamed and She stared into my eyes.

"Make me believe you," She said again.

My heart was racing, nipples screeeeaming, eyes wide as J stared at me, twisting my already burning nipples cruelly. "i...i deserse this punishment!" i yelled.

"Louder!" J replied, twisting harder.

"i deserve this!" i yelled.

J slapped me once hard then twisted again. "Now thank Me!" She yelled into my face.

"Thank You My Lady!" i yelled, tears streaming down my face.

"Again!" J slapped me and twisted again.

"THANK YOU MY LADY" i screamed...probably loud enough for the neighbors across the street to hear.

J released my nipples and took my chin in Her hand and stared at me. "Now are you ready to finish? And not disappoint me?"

my heart was racing and breath coming in gulps. i had rarely felt so taken by J...Her forcefulness had rocked me back into a deep subspace.

"yes my Lady," i said, gazing at her with fear and wonder.

J got off my lap and took the nipple clamps off the table and reattached them. i was more focused than i can ever remember, my whole being driven to stay silent...which i did.

J then slid the papers away and told me to begin again.  i finished the third set of lines, trembling as J removed my clamps and reviewed my work. She smiled, kissed me once and said "much better, slave..." before reclamping my nipples again.

J moved the pages almost out of reach and told me to begin my last set of lines. She climbed up on the table and held a foot out for me to kiss, which i did eagerly. Tears were flowing freely down my cheeks, my body was shaking and nipples in more agony that i can ever remember as i strained to reach the page and do my last set of lines.

Yet my focus was there, perhaps as never before. The intensity of the punishment, and of J's reaction to my previous failures, helped me dig deep and find the strength to finish...all to please Her.

i finished the last set of lines...J unclamped me and looked at the page. She held it for what seemed like an eternity...my whole body shaking as i awaited Her verdict.

After letting me twist in the wind J smiled and said, "Well done, slave. Now what do you say?"

"Thank You My Lady," i breathed, my heart filled with gratitude as it rose, glad the punishment was over, yet grateful that my Lady--and Lady Grey--had taken the time to correct me.

Special thanks to the incomparable Lady Grey, not only for being thoughtful enough to provide me with a chance to redeem myself in Her eyes through such punishment, but also for all the lovely comments She has provided. i hope this is satisfactory for You...and if not J has said She will do whatever it takes until You are satisfied.

As this seems long enough i will save J's punishment for me for another post...

Predicament Bondage

 One of J's favorite things is to put me into predicaments and watch me struggle to meet Her expectations. Whether it's a mean game of Twister, an onion gag or keeping me beneath Her all day i am constantly amazed at J's ability to dream up new challenges. And i adore (adore!) the wry little smile She gets on Her face while testing me and watching me struggle. That look, combined with Her bubbling, yet still a little evil laugh, always makes me immensely happy.

And She shows no signs of letting up. One night last week we were lying in bed, kissing and touching and working each other up. J clamped my nipples and had me bring Her to orgasm with my tongue, which i did eagerly, making Her scream with delight twice (hooray!). Afterwards She ordered me to sit up with my back against the wall and knees bent in front.

J got that smile on Her face again...

"So...I have a challenge for You, dear. You ready for a challenge?"

Seeing that smile i could not respond quickly enough, "Yes, my Lady."

"Good."

J leaned over and reached into our toy bag and pulled out a short length of string. She had used this to tie my cock up a couple of times but it was not something we used all that often.  She tied a knot around the chain between my nipple clamps and then with a wicked grin slid down and tied the other end around my big toe.

i felt the chain pulling away, pinching my nipples tighter as the clover clamps did their work.

"Now stand up, slave," J ordered.

i tried to stand and immediately figured out Her evil plan. With my clamps tied to my toe i actually couldn't stand straight at all...not even close. i was forced into an awkward, hunched over position, and even then the clamps were digging mercilessly into my nipples, which were screaming with agony.

J smiled. "Now go and fetch me a coke, slave."

i did the best i could to hobble out of our bedroom and to the kitchen, Each time i faltered or took a bad step the clamps made me gasp and howl.

"Faster, slave!" J barked from the bedroom.

i hustled as best i could and returned with the soda. J looked at me and gave me a small laugh, the one She uses when Her imagination is really in overdrive.

"Hmmm....no ice?"

"i...no my Lady. i am sorry, my Lady," i breathed, my heart racing and cheeks flushed as i stodd bent over before Her.

"Well, that won't do. Go and bring me a glass of ice, slave."

As i started to hobble again to the kitchen i heard J get up and follow me.

"I actually want to watch this," She smiled.

i had to lift my foot high just to be able to reach high enough to get a glass out of cabinet. The freezer was just as high. i placed the glass down and then started to lift myself into the awkward and humiliating position, my ears ringing with J's laughter when She stopped me.

"I think this is to easy, dear...don't you agree?"

"Yes my Lady," was my reply. The only proper reply, even if i did not agree.

J moved the cup to the other side of the kitchen.

"Now...one ice cube at a time. And I want six in my glass."

i immediately lifted my foot, shaking as i got a single ice cube out of the freezer. i brought it over to the glass, then returned to do the second. By the time i did six my legs were in agony, nipples screaming and my whole body was shaking and even a little sweaty. J had had a good laugh at my expense, and looked at me as i put the last cube in the glass.

"Good boy," She cooed. My heart melted.

J reached down and removed the nipple clamps. The blood rushing back made me scream as the clamps came off.  i screamed even louder when J gave each nipple a cruel twist, and gasped, gazing at Her.

J pointed to the ground. "Now what do you say?"

i knelt, lowered my head and kissed Her foot. "Thank You, my Lady," i breathed.  i did the same for the second foot, then returned to a kneeling position. J caressed my cheek with Her hand and i gazed up at Her, transfixed.

J had me remove the string from my toe and then crawl behind Her back to the bedroom. She threw me down on the bed on my back and climbed on top, sliding Her wet sex over me.  i gasped in joy and adoration, then screamed as J again twisted my nipples.  her face was flushed as She rode me, twisting my nipples off and on just to watch me scream and squirm.  After She came again She allowed me to come as well, and i exploded almost instantly.

J said that had i dropped any ice cubes i would not have been allowed to release, but because She was impressed i was able to focus She decided i deserved that reward.

i whispered "thank You, Mistress," as we lied in each other's arms, my heart filled with joy and wonder at this amazing Wife of mine, and how much i belong to Her. 

Brushing Her Hair

The other morning J beckoned me into the bathroom after Her shower.  This was a first, and i walked into the bathroom with my heart leaping.

"Go and fetch a chair from the kitchen, dear," J commanded. She stood in the short robe She sometimes wears after a shower. It only comes down just below Her waist, so Her long legs were fully exposed, and the robe was clinging to Her still damp form deliciously. As is often the case i found myself gazing in awe at Her, feeling so lucky to be with Her.

J looked at me with amusement..."like the view?"

"Yes, My Lady," i whispered in a voice more throaty than i expected.

J just smiled, then the look in Her eye changed rather quickly.

"Didn't I just ask for something, slave?" She demanded, a harder edge in her voice.

i jumped at the tone and immediately hurried off to the kitchen. i quickly returned with a small wooden chair from our breakfast table.

J smiled. "Good job, slave. Now place it before the mirror."

i did as ordered and J sat down. She pointed to the ground at Her side and i knelt. She then picked up a hairbrush and looked at me.

"Now you are going to brush my hair, slave. I expect you to be careful and attentive, do you understand?"

"Yes, my Lady," i whispered.

"Good. Because there will be consequences if you are not." J looked at me for a moment, and then a small smile formed on her perfect lips. "In fact, because you delayed in bringing the chair, I think I will show you exactly what the consequences will be."

J grabbed me by the hair and pulled me to my feet, then ordered me to strip. Once i was naked She guided me down over Her lap, my ass in position.

SMACK! Down came Her hard wooden hairbrush on my ass. i yelped at the sharp sting and gritted my teeth, knowing more was coming.

J gave me 20 good spanks with the hairbrush, and by the time She was done my ass was red, by breath was short and tears had begun to form in my eyes. She slid Her hand across my ass, feeling the heat and cooing Her approval.

"Mmmmm....very nice. Now you are to kneel on the floor behind me and brush my hair. And be careful! Any tangles, snags or hair pulling will be met with more of what you just got. Understand?" J had a wicked smile as i twisted and looked up at Her.

"Yes My Lady," i whispered.

i stood and then went behind the chair and knelt down on the hard, unforgiving bathroom floor. J gave me Her brush and began to slowly move it through Her beautiful hair. She closed Her eyes, Her body relaxing as i began.

It was an incredibly sensual and submissive feeling...my knees already starting to ache from the cold, hard floor, my Lady so relaxed and comfortable with putting me into service, my hands shaking slightly as i moved the brush.

When i hit the first tangle and pulled too hard, yanking Her hair, my mood went from sensual to scared pretty fast.

"OUCH! Now what was that, slave?" J demanded.

"i'm sorry, Mistress...i just got too excited."

"Well...sorry isn't good enough. Get back up here. NOW."

i climbed again over J's lap and She was ruthless with the hairbrush spanking. Again and again the brush tormented my ass and the backs of my thighs. J would pause occasionally and caress the hot flesh, seeming to enjoy it, and then continue. i lost count of many She gave me, but i know i was trembling, sore and teary-eyed by the time She was done.

i was then ordered back to my knees to finish brushing. i was extra careful after the spanking, though i did pull too hard one more time before it was done. And was again ruthlessly punished for it.

By the time J deemed my task complete my knees were aching, whole body trembling and ass and thighs still burning from the spanking. J had me crawl around to the side of Her and placed a long, slow kiss on my lips while i knelt beside Her.

"Well done, slave. you may return the chair to the kitchen and finish making coffee."

The whole experience was amazing, and different for a couple of reasons. One, we don't do a lot of play in the mornings, and i found that my head was spinning all day after the experience. While i was distracted at work and often found myself hardening up, i loved the fact that i had the whole day to relive the recent memory.

The other novel thing was how J simply came up with a small bit of service and how relaxed it seemed to make Her to simply lean back, close Her eyes and allow me to serve Her. This is great progress from our early days of exploring a femdom relationship, as i often put lots of pressure on Her and J often felt like being a dominant wife was a lot of work. Which it certainly can be. But these small moments of simple servitude are truly wonderful, and a great reflection of how far we have come.

J has indicated that i will be learning how to better brush Her hair in the future, and i am definitely looking forward to it! 

The Beauty of Worship

J and i have a very loving relationship. We had one before we started on our new Femdom adventure, and our relationship only continues to grow as we further our exploration down this wonderful path. Most of the time i would characterize our experiences as "play," though there are times where the sensual connections and deep eroticism of J's growing dominance of me reaches almost rapturous heights. The other night was one such occasion.

We were sitting on the couch idly watching TV. J had earlier had me bring Her a glass of wine and then enjoyed a lengthy foot massage provided by me, one where i kissed, caressed and massaged every inch of Her soles, arches, toe, heels and ankles. She purred Her contentment and i grinned at Her as i often do while we are experiencing these sorts of moments.

J then surprised me by sliding down to the floor and stretching out on our rug.

"Undress me," She whispered, in a voice both soft and commanding.

i (of course!) eagerly began to comply, sliding down to the floor. i started unbuttoning Her shirt when J caught my hand, bringing it up to Her lips and placing a soft kiss.

"Slowly, slave," She whispered again.

i gazed into Her eyes and then kissed Her lips softly, then Her neck. i unbuttoned one button, kissing Her collarbone and moving my hands up and down Her body. She purred in approval.

i undid the next button, kissing down the exposed narrow V of Her body, my lips brushing against the white lacy bra that was now peeking out. J slid Her hand through my hair.

i kept going, each button opening followed by soft worshipful kisses to Her gorgeous skin. As i reached the last i slid Her shirt off Her shoulders. It spread behind her. i then slid one bra strap down, following it across Her shoulders and upper arm with kisses as J lay back. Her legs began sliding up and down, a sure sign She was enjoying Herself.

J sat up briefly, allowing me to unclasp Her bra and kissing me deeply and passionately. She then laid back down and i began slowly...ever so slowly...sliding her knee-length skirt down her gorgeous legs. i kissed between her thighs, along each inner thigh and down to the knee as i moved the skirt farther down.

After the skirt came Her socks, then Her panties. my amazing Wife then lay naked, stretched before me.

"Kiss me here slave," She ordered, pointing to Her neck.

i slid over Her, feeling Her breasts against my shirt, my legs straddling Her thigh as i placed kiss after kiss on Her perfect neck. She eventually pushed me back up so i was kneeling before Her perfection.

"Now here," She whispered, pointing to Her right breast.

i slid down again, my tongue caressing around her breast, teasing Her nipple. She had me return to my kneeling position again.

"Now here." J pointed to Her inner thigh.

This continued, as J pointed to Her stomach...then Her left foot...then Her left collarbone....then Her lips....then between her legs, where the warmth and dampness told me She was definitely enjoying Herself....then Her neck again....then between Her breasts.

i worshiped almost every inch of Her, following Her commands as She led me where She wished me to go. Then J looked up at me with that wonderful smile, sat up and kissed me deeply, grabbed me by the hair and with a single look let me know She was ready. She slid Her legs apart and allowed me inside Her...the feeling of devotion i had was almost overwhelming.

After a short time J pushed me back, then guided my head between Her thighs, Her sex dripping and eager for my service. i devoted myself to the task with a feeling of such yearning, and J's breathing quickly became short...moans escaped her lips and i brought her to orgasm, then after a short rest where i kissed every molecule of flesh on her thighs i brought Her to orgasm again. She then allowed me back inside Her and ordered me to cum, which did not take long. i felt a huge wave of emotion wash over me as i came, and J smiled at me with love as i trembled, collapsing into Her arms.

As we lay in bed later that night i was still feeling overwhelmed with devotion and gratitude, and in how while we have a lot of fun with our Femdom adventures, the simple beauty of worshiping Her body is in many ways the pinnacle of what it means to be Hers. 

Twister!

Hope all of you had wonderful holidays! We sure did, lots of fun family time and fun, um, alone time. :-) And some great presents...one of which has already become an amazing new part of our Femdom marriage and one of J's new favorite activities.

One of my present from J was a copy of the classic old game Twister. For those of you who don't know the game, it's an old game with a grid of colored circles that you put on the floor. You play by spinning a wheel that lands on one of the colors and one of your hands or feet. So each time you spin you get something like "right hand on red" or "left foot on blue."

Now usually you play this game with a few people on the board and the goal is to be able to put your hands and feet where you are supposed to without falling down. The last person who can stay up is then declared the winner. But J had something different in mind...one where i was the only person on the grid and where, well, i think we both end up winners! :-)

We set up the grid in the basement, J ordered me to strip, kneel and kiss her feet. She put my collar around my neck and then had me kneel before the grid of circles, head lowered.

"you are in for it today, dear...Merry Christmas my slave," J whispered in my ear. i trembled as She laughed softly and then spun the wheel.

'Right hand red' came up first and i slid my hand onto the red circle.
'Left foot blue' was next and i complied.

J kept spinning the wheel, and i eventually ended up with both feet and hands on the grid, my hands crossed awkwardly and feet spread wide as i struggled to maintain position.

"Hmmmm...that will work," J smiled.

WHACK! Down came the flogger on my butt, the leather straps licking the inside of my spread thighs. J started flogging me while i struggled to keep my position, Her strokes coming faster and harder. i was shaking visibly, my shoulders aching, feet sliding and cock stiffening as She laughed and flogged me mercilessly.

i was somehow able to hold position for 20 strokes of the flogger. J slid Her hand along my thigh and burning ass and cooed "well done, slave." i twisted my head to gaze at Her and was incredibly aroused by the devilish and playful look on Her face.

"Let's keep playing, slave...you up to it?"

"Yes my Lady," i whispered back, though i was not sure i was.

J kept spinning the wheel until She got me in a position She liked. This time i had to turn over to keep my hands and feet on the right spots and was holding myself up awkwardly with my hands behind me and feet spread again when J stopped.

She grabbed the crop, smiled and said "twenty more, slave. Now don't fall..."

WHACK came the crop across my inner left thigh. The sting made me gasp but J kept it up, cropping my on the inside of each thigh. i lasted nine strokes before i stumbled and fell.

"Oh dear...tsk, tsk, tsk. What happened?" J smiled evilly.

"i..im sorry Mistress. i..couldn't stay up."

"Well...some punishment is definitely in order, slave," J smiled.

i was ordered to crawl to Her feet and then forced to draw from the punishment box. i drew cold shower and was forced to endure a cold shower with J sitting nearby laughing as i danced under the freezing water. We then returned to play twister some more, which J seemingly could not get enough of.

We have played a few more times, as we both enjoy the game and J in particular seems to relish watching me struggle to stay up in position while She tortures me. She has even texted me three times from work weith the single word "twister," which means i am to get the game out and bring it to our basement along with our toys and then be kneeling next to it naked upon Her arrival home.

We have mixed it up some as well. J decided once that She would simply flog, spank or paddle me after each 5 spins of the wheel regardless of the position i was in. We have also brought dice down to determine which implement should be used where. This had led to my being put in all kinds of predicaments! And each time i fall or falter i draw from the punishment box, and then we play again.

It is all immense fun, especially because i loooooove seeing how much pleasure and delight J gets from watching me struggle. Her smile is one of the most beautiful things in the world, and Her wicked laugh is music to my ears.

i cannot recommend it enough: go out and get yourself a copy of Twister. i never would have thought of it, but J's mind has brought yet another wonderful element of our loving Femdom marriage.

Happy New year to you all, one of my resolutions is to blog more so hopefully you'll be seeing more of me in 2013!  

The Joy of Kissing Her Feet

The other night J and i were sitting together on the couch watching a movie.  We hadn't really engaged in any femdom play all day, and there wasn't really any kind of feeling in the air that we would that night.  But how quickly the weather can change...

J smiled.   "I think I'd like you down at my feet, dear."

i was surprised, but immediately felt a twinge...down below, and almost as quickly my sub feelings began to kick in.

"Yes, My Lady," i replied, which is what i am expected to say each time She gives a clear command as She just had.

i slid off the couch and kneeled.  J swung Her legs around and put them in my lap, teasing my already growing cock, sliding Her gorgeous red toes up and down my thigh.  A soft moan escaped my lips and i was at full attention.

i gently picked up Her left foot, preparing to begin a foot rub.  Usually when J orders me to Her feet it is to give Her a full foot rub, which is one of Her favorite things.  In fact, ordering me to give Her foot rubs was one of the first ways She started to get comfortable being more dominant in our lives, and one of the first ways She came to realize that such an arrangement could be filled with benefits for Her while fulfilling fantasies of mine.

As i began massaging Her perfect foot J stopped me with a quick "no, dear."

i looked up questioningly.

"I do love your foot massages...but tonight im in the mood for something different," She smiled.  "First, strip.  I want you naked...NOW."

i hurriedly stood and removed all my clothes, standing naked before J as She smiled.

"Mmmmmm...yes.  you may kneel again, dear," She smiled.

J extended a foot towards my face.  "Kiss, slave."

i was surprised, as J typically prefers a foot massage to foot kissing.  But my instructions were clear...i held Her foot in my hand and began gently kissing, starting with each toe, then sliding my tongue along Her perfect instep and planting kisses on top of Her foot.

"Mmmmm...good slave.  Keep going."

i continued, lifting Her foot so i could kiss every inch of the sole, nibbling at times, sliding my tongue along a bit and sometimes passionately kissing Her arch, Her instep, He toe.

"Very good, slave.  Keep going."

i looked up at Her, but with a look and a point of one finger i returned to Her feet.  i kissed each inch again, sucking on each toe luxuriously, Her satisfied smile all the encouragement i needed.

"Good slave.  So you know, dear, I want you to kiss my foot for the next half an hour.  No interruptions, no stopping, no looking at me and NO wandering up my leg.  Got it, slave?"

"Yes, My Lady," came my breathless reply.

"Any questions, dear?  this will be your last chance to talk until you're done."

i considered, then quickly replied "no, My Lady," and got to work.

The next half an hour felt incredibly submissive...J would move Her feet down to the floor, forcing me to kneel all the way forward almost in a praying position.  She would then move it back and use Her foot to pull my face up off the carpet, jamming Her toes into my mouth and sliding Her foot up and down my face.

i felt used, enslaved, enraptured as my entire focus was on Her foot.  J's occasional laugh was all the response i had, as i did my best to follow Her orders and keep my eyes and focus on her foot.

"OK, dear...very good!" J smiled as She slid Her foot away.

i gazed up at Her, my eyes filled with adoration, my hard cock betraying how completely i was Hers.

She teased my cock with Her foot, sliding Her arch across the shaft and tickling the tip with her toes.  She then held Her foot out for me to lick any precum that had leaked out of my throbbing cock on to Her foot.  i eagerly lapped up the juices and gazed up at Her.

"Hmmmm.....pretty excited, aren't we?" She smiled in that perfect, evil, loving, wicked way i love.

"Yes, My Lady.  i am Your slave," i breathed.

"You'd probably like to move this into the bedroom, wouldn't you?"

"Oh God yes, My Lady," i quivered.

"Hmmmmm....well, I think we can do that," She said, a twinkle in Her eye.  i gasped, shaking with excitement.

"Just as soon as you're done with my other foot," She said, and smiled.  "Get to work, slave."  J extended Her other foot, barely able to keep from laughing as i knelt down and began kissing Her other gorgeous foot.

(A very looooong) half an hour later, and after giving J three orgasms Herself, i was well-rewarded for my good behavior. :-)

The Power of a Single Word

We're not big 'sexters' by nature.  Nothing wrong with it or anything, but for whatever reason it's just never been something we've done a lot of in the past.  That's not to say that J doesn't wield control over me from afar, but we tend to use email or talk on the phone.  Though that has started to change...

In the last couple weeks or so i have started getting occasional text messages from J, each a single word and a single word only.  They started coming without warning, and there has not really been any kind of schedule or regularity to them, which in a lot of ways makes them even hotter.  i'm at the point now where every time my phone beeps with a text message i get a little jolt and the heart rate picks up just a little, and i find i'm more often than not disappointed when it's a friend asking if i want to go grab a beer or something...

i'm not entirely sure what inspired J to start sending these, but whatever it is i'd like to thank that source of inspiration and maybe buy it a present.  Because it's been a great addition to our play, and a fun way to keep the fires stoked during busy times.     

Note from J(!):  This wasn't something I thought a lot about, and I'm not sure what the inspiration was.  I was just at work one day and knew my slave was home and figured I'd have a little fun.  I was quite taken with how I felt after I hit send on the word 'KNEEL' and spent the next few minutes zoning out in the work meeting I was in imagining my slave's reaction, and picturing him on his knees.  It's been fun!  And more than a little distracting, LOL.  

And since it was me who decided to start this, I expect a "present" from my slave tonight.  :-) 

As J said, the first one was 'KNEEL'.  i was home that day and saw i had a message from Her, but had no idea what was coming.  i caught my breath and then, with heart racing and face flushed i knelt.  i wrote back 'Yes My Lady' and waited.  It was 20 minutes before the phone beeped again, with the word 'RISE'.  i rose, texted back a 'Thank You My Lady' and went on with my day.

There have been a few more, and J has even started telling me Her expectations for some, just so i don't screw anything up and end up facing a punishment for my own inability to understand what She requires.  So far She has also texted me with:

NAKED - pretty self-explanatory, and at times not possible.  If i am in, say, the grocery store, when i get that one i am required to strip down as soon as i return home, text J when i do, and wait.  That way we prevent any law-breaking...which is good.  i'm happy to be J's prisoner, but don't have any interest in a criminal justice system where She is not judge, jury and executioner.

HOME - J texted me this when i was out running errands on a Saturday and She was home.  i immediately took my half-finished list of items to the register, paid and raced home.  Upon arriving home i was told to strip, and J then cuffed me to the bed and flogged me three times for every minute between when i got the text and when i got home.  It took 27 minutes to get home, so i was sooooore afterwards. :-)

STROKE - This was one where again She knew i was home.  Again, pretty self explanatory...i texted back 'Yes My Lady' and began stroking, knowing i was not to come without Her permission (as always...).  She eventually wrote back STOP, and that was that.  Teased, tormented, writhing (it took a while) but ultimately frustrated.  All by two words.

COLLAR - J texted me this one on Her way home, after explaining previously that it meant i was to strip, move to the entryway of our house with my collar, place it on the floor and kneel in front of it, awaiting Her return.  When J entered She found me in position, where i had been for about 15 minutes...She seemed pleased.

BAND - This one came to me at work.  And again, J had let me know what She had in mind.  Something we had played with before when She was away was my putting a rubberband tight across my inner thigh and then pulling it out and snapping it back as hard as i could.  It hurts!  And is a great way for Her to administer some pain while not with me.  For this text i went into the bathroom at work (which is pretty private), stripped off my pants and snapped the rubberband on the inside of each thigh 10 times, then on the underside.  It left some stripes and a delicious sting i felt most of the rest of the day...

i have no idea how often this kind of thing will be happening, and what new wicked ideas J has in store.  i do really enjoy this new game, and am particularly amazed at how potent it is because She only sends a single word.  i think anything longer would be less effective. 

Whatever happens, if nothing else i now have an entirely new relationship with the beeping sound my cell makes when receiving any text...the instant connection between that sound and my cock is only getting stronger, which makes me think that Pavlov guy was on to something with the whole psychology of connection sounds to actions.  I'm almost worried about  the day when i receive 4 or 5 texts in a row from whoever, and whether or not i'll be able to hold it together!

New Tradition: Nightly Cuffing

J has recently introduced a new tradition, She has not yet said how long it will last but for now (as always!) i am going with the flow...and enjoying the ride.

One night about a week ago when we were getting ready for bed J ordered me to strip and kneel at the foot of the bed with my head lowered and wrists behind my back. She then cuffed my hands tightly behind me and ordered me to service Her wonderful sex with my tongue. After making Her cum three times (and feeling such joy at being of service) J kissed me lightly, uncuffed me and we went to bed.

Before She drifted off to sleep, though, she purred, "well done, slave. We may have to try that again tomorrow..." in my ear. i was of course already hard as can be, but there was no relief for me that night.

True to Her word, J ordered me to the same position the following night. This time after i was cuffed i was blindfolded and clamps were put on my nipples. J then ordered me to stand and then started mercilessly teasing my cock while tugging and yanking on the chain connecting the clamps. As always, the mixtrue of pain and pleasure was incredibly intense, and soon i was visibly shaking and having a hard time even keeping my balance.

"Awwww....having a hard time there, dear?" J whispered wickedly.

"yes my Lady," i replied through dry, eager lips.

"Good," J replied with a laugh.

She kept teasing me for what seemed like forever and then removed my blindfold and clamps, grabbed my cock and stood before me, staring into my eyes.

"Hmmmmm...I think that's enough for tonight, slave. Don't you agree?" She smiled as She watched my eyes widen while She was still tormenting my hard cock.

"Whatever you say, my Lady," i replied...the only correct reply, even if i was SCREAMING inside.

"Good boy," J cooed, and then She uncuffed me and we went to sleep.  It took me a while.

We have now made this a nightly ritual, though each night has been different. J has had me bring Her to multiple orgasms again, my eager mouth straining to please Her sex. One night She had me kiss every inch of Her feet and legs, smiling as i struggled to reach every inch with my hands bound.

Another night She blindfolded me, clamped me and then gave me a series of quick, sharp slaps to the face before forcing me down and flogging me to within an inch of my life, my face ground down on the carpet. That was obviously a night i had displeased Her...

And one glorious night J simply kissed me roughly, then tenderly, then ordered me to lie on the bed. i was allowed inside of Her and, after She came twice, allowed to explode inside of Her. And explode i did, one of the most intense orgasms i have had in QUITE a while. :-)

All in all it has been a lovely tradition, and a great way to spice up bedtime. Not sure how long it will last--that's up to J as always--but even if we stop doing it each night it's great to think She has yet another tool in Her ever-growing toolbox for keeping me Hers.

Onion Gag and Other Kitchen Fun

J and i were fixing dinner the other night when, as sometimes happens, the mood turned abruptly from the mundane to the marvelous.  She slipped up behind me while i was chopping vegetables, grabbing me around the waist and whispering "kneel" softly, yet menacingly, into my ear.  As is often the case, i was immediately...at attention, my pulse quickening as i slowly dropped to my knees.

i heard a drawer open.  J then slowly pulled my wrists behind me, binding my hands behind me with a bunch of those tight rubberband things they wrap asparagus and other veggies in. While one doesn't seem like much, J used quite a few and i was easily, and helplessly, bound before i knew it.

She then ordered me to close my eyes and lower my head.  i could hear the sounds of slicing as i knelt, trembling at what was to come. But what did come is something i could never have expected...

J told me to keep my eyes closed and then ordered me to "open wide."  i complied and immediately felt Her stuff something into my mouth: an onion!  She had sliced it to the perfect shape and size, and i immediately felt it push my lips open and stretch my jaw open.  She then took a couple larger rubberbands and made sure the onion was snugly in place, and with my wrists still bound i had no chance to get it out.

My first thought was: oh my god! i almost immediately started tearing up as the strong taste and smell of onion was all-consuming. i like onions and all, but this was already feeling overwhelming...

J then told me to open my eyes.  i did and tears were already flowing as i gazed up at my amazing Wife. She had that half-smirk of delight, with just a touch of evil, that i have come to adore so much. She laughed softly, asked "comfortable, dear?" with a smirk and leaned back to watch me struggle. i tried to muffle a reply, but J not only couldn't understand me, but quickly reminded me, "your opinion doesn't really matter anyway, right dear?" to which i humbly nodded.

With my onion gag still firmly in place and tears flowing freely down my face, J then ordered me to stand and bend over our butcher-block style table in the middle of the kitchen.  i heard Her open another drawer and then...SMACK. By the sound and feel i figured it was the large wooden spoon i had felt, and when J held it before my eyes it was confirmed.

J proceeded to give me a swift, sound thrashing with the wooden spoon, clearly enjoying Herself. She then had me kneel before Her again and seemed to take special delight in the immense flow of tears streaming down my face. She lightly kissed each tear-stained cheek before giving me a playful slap on the cheek and laughing softly at my clear discomfort.

After a bit longer J removed the onion gag (i don't know if i have ever felt quite so relieved!) and ordered me to crawl behind Her up the stairs to our bedroom.  The fun continued as i serviced Her every need, massaging Her body and then moving to giving Her multiple orgasms with my mouth and with Her favorite toy. She even had me lie on my back and be Her "other toy" while She vibed Herself to yet another climax.  Eventually i was also allowed to cum (yahoo!) and we fell asleep in each other's arm for a quick post-coital nap.  Hunger eventually drove us back to the kitchen, where dinner preparations went more...conventionally.

All in all a wonderful evening!

List of 10 Things...

Now that J and i are back in the swing of things (after my unfortunate transgression and deserved punishment) Her wicked imagination continues to swirl, and my astonishment only grows at Her newest ideas.

We have been married for ten (amazing, wonderful, glorious!) years now, and even though it's nowhere near our anniversary--which is in April--J recently decided to honor those ten years by starting up some Lists of Ten Things. When She first proposed the idea i was (as is usually the case) some combination of confused, excited and a wee bit fearful as to what was to come, and as ever those were the right emotions.

The first List was Ten Things To Smack My Slave With In One Evening.  J announced this list and then ordered me to fetch ten different things She could use to smack me with, and to do it quickly at Her direction.

Here's what we came up with:

1.  Flogger
2.  Wooden kitchen spoon
3.  Belt (with buckle...ow.)
4.  Extension cord
5.  Soft leather glove (mmmmm, sensation change...)
6.  Ping-pong paddle
7.  Cane
8.  Shoe (especially for the face)
9.  Small tree branch (which brought back memories)
And...10.  Broom handle

J had me gather all Ten Things and then we commenced to have a gleeful (for her), painful (for me) using all ten of those on all different parts of my body.  i am still sore...

The next List came a couple days later, when J decided i needed to do Ten Things To Give Her Pleasure In One Evening.  i was left to my own devices for most of this, and here's what i did:

1.  Giving Her an hour-long foot rub with lotion
2.  Drawing a bubble bath with lit candles surrounding the tub and me kneeling before Her, eyes lowered
3.  Providing oral pleasure until She had multiple orgasms (natch)
4.  Baking brownies wearing nothing but an apron and a collar
5.  Organizing Her music on Her computer, phone and ipod so Her playlists are updated and all links were working
6.  Researching local spa treatments and arranging an appointment for Her to receive an afternoon of bliss
7.  Painting Her nails (fingers and toes), and making sure they all look perfect
8.  Reading poetry aloud to Her from some of Her favorite poets
9.  Cooking Her favorite food and serving as Her table while She enjoyed dining on the couch with a favorite movie on
10.  Kissing every inch of Her wonderful body as She stretched out in bed before sleeping, massing those parts She demanded, rubbing warming lotion on others, and serving a couple *special* areas

Not too bad if i do say so myself...and i believe J was pleased. At the end She took my face in Her hands, kissed me gently and told me i was a wonderful slave. It was really quite romantic, actually.

i'm guessing both of these lists will be a part of our future, and i can only wonder what the next List of Ten will be.  And J did mention that She would be open to any suggestions from readers, so...:-)   

Returning After a Hiatus (Which Was At Least Partly Forced and Also Involved Some Punishment)

As is easily seen from the date of my last post, it's been more than three months(!) since my last post here.  There are a few reasons for the long hiatus, some of them pretty routine and some more...interesting.

To start, i traveled for much of May and June and just didn't spend a lot of time near a computer.  While J and i did spend much of that time together--and did engage in some fun "on the road" femdom activities that may have made for interesting posts--it just honestly became a lower priority to write while traveling.  i did sit down a few times to start writing a post, but inevitably i got distracted by something or just ended up a little too wiped out to write.

Then when i got back i was sick for about three weeks, nothing too serious but one of those long lingering kind of cold-flu things that just wipes you out.  i did try and remain a good sub to J during that time, but it did severly limit our opportunities to further explore our ever-growing femdom relationship.

So those are the boring reasons...now for the more interesting one.

i must begin with a confession: i began this blog as a bit of a lark, and wasn't sure if i would ever actually post anything or keep it up for very long.  Thus, i felt it unnecessary to inform my beautiful Wife and Goddess J of this blog's existence, at least at first.  As i wrote a few more posts i still for whatever reason didn't feel like i needed to inform Her that i was writing about our lives, even if i felt a growing unease at the idea of keeping anything from Her.  i was enjoying the writing, and was unsure how She would feel if i told Her about it, especially after i had let it go for a while already.  And yet of course i absolutely should have told Her--after all, part of adoring one's amazing Wife is being fully open with Her about what you do, and making sure She approves.  Not telling Her was completely unacceptable behavior, and as you have probably already guessed, this blog was a secret that did not stay hidden.

J discovered the existence of this blog a little while ago when i inadvertently left the Blogger page open on my computer one day before leaving for work.  She has variable hours at Her job and it was a weekday that She actually had off, and so was home all day.  Sometime during the day She must have tried to use my computer and found the page. i (of course) had no idea of Her discovery when i returned home that day...

As soon as i entered the house i could tell something was amiss.  J must have heard me come up the driveway because She was waiting in the entryway for me, sitting on the stairs with a (very) stern look in Her eye.  With a harsher voice than usual She immediately ordered me to strip and kneel, forehead on the ground.  i did as commanded, still unsure as to what was up but with a growing fear inside me.

J stood up and placed Her foot on my head, squashing my face to the floor.

"So dear...you've been keeping something from me, haven't you?" She asked.

As ridiculous as it sounds, i tried to play coy.  "What do you mean?" i asked foolishly.

J ground my nose into the carpet with Her foot, Her voice rising.  "What do you mean, 'what do i mean!?'" She yelled, grinding my face harder.  "What do you think i mean, you piece of shit?"

i was taken aback...J does not typically swear that much, even when in "Domme Mode."  It was then that i knew...my heart sank and guts wrenched as i forced out a meager apology through the carpet, writhing as She ground my face deeper in.

"i'm sorry my Lady," i kept repeating feebly.  J was unimpressed.

"You have been writing about us and felt like you didn't need to tell me, isn't that true?" She asked.

"Yes...and i'm so sorry!" i garbled out, my face still mashed under Her foot.

"That's right...you should be sorry.  And I will make sure you are," J replied ominously.  "Now get up."

She removed Her foot and allowed me to return to a kneeling position.  She then commanded me to crawl up the stairs to the living room, kissing the ground beneath Her feet on the way as She sat on the couch with me kneeling before Her, eyes lowered.

"So...i have read your blog, slave.  To start, I am upset with you for doing this without asking me, and for letting it go on without telling me.  You should have asked me for permission first, and you are as of right now no longer allowed to write.  Is that clear?"

"Yes my Lady" i stammered out.

J then outlined a series of punishments to give me a chance to make amends.  She explained that She was not sure yet how She truly felt about the blog, but the one thing She did know was that my secrecy required immediate--and severe--repercussions.

To start, all internet and computer activities were suspended until J said otherwise.

i was also immediately put into chastity, with no release in sight, yet plenty of teasing and denial to torture me.  And obviously lots of orgasms for J while i was not allowed any.

J then decided that since i had taken it upon myself to write, i could start writing for Her daily.  Starting immediately i was given daily line writing.  To take one example, for three straight days i was required to write this phrase 500 times a day: "i am lucky to be married to an amazing and very understanding woman, and am even luckier to be Her slave when She sees fit to allow me to serve.  The fact that i started a blog without Her permission is totally inexcusable, and i deserve all the punishment She deems fit."

i was also forced to draw from the punishment box twice a day, once in the morning and once in the evening.

For some of the time i was in the penalty box J required that i kneel before Her and receive at least five sharp slaps to the face every time i entered or left Her company.  This was not only coming and going for work in the mornings or evenings, but even every time i had to go to the bathroom or to the kitchen in the house as well.  With each transition i knelt before Her and was slapped, whether coming or going.  

i was not allowed to sleep with Her in the bed, and was either kept on the floor or on the couch.

Depending on Her mood, J also added some new punishments and activities to put me in my place.  For a couple of days we kept a ball gag by the door and i was required to be naked and gagged for every second i was in the house.  For a time i was also required to wear a pair of Her panties, which is not something we ever engage in during more playful femdom times, but is something i hate and thus made a good punishment.

There were of course lots of floggings and other activities as well.  And i spent those couple of weeks completely and utterly in servitude to Her, tending to every need, buying Her flowers, chocolates and everything else She may want, doing every chore and really having no time for myself at all.  While we have engaged in some periods like that in the past this was the first time we spent a prolonged stretch in a more "24/7" kind of mode.  Not something we want to do long-term (at least i don't think so) but seemed right given my mistake and the need for some...calibration.

J eventually decided i had been properly put in my place and began to loosen many restrictions and lessen the punishments.  Things got back to where they had been, with varying levels of femdom in our marriage depending on J's mood.  i am deeply grateful for Her understanding, and for the effort She made to put me in my place and make sure i remembered where that place is.  We also talked deeply about what i had done and worked it out through communication, which combined with all the punishments seems to have set things right. 

In fact, i was surprised and deeply gratified a couple of days ago when J told me that now that She was able to look past my mistake She quite enjoyed reading the blog, and was warming to the idea.  Obviously that led to Her giving me permission to return to blogging, which i am happy about not only because i enjoy it but because it makes me feel like J has forgiven me.  She now (of course) reads and approves all posts, and seems to be entertaining the idea of posting Herself from time to time, which i hope happens.

So that's the story of why i've been away...i am deeply ashamed of my behavior but even more deeply grateful (as always) that i have been lucky enough to find such an amazing Wife who is so understanding and forgiving.  i should be posting more frequently again, and as i said hopefully we will also see J making the occasional appearance here as well!      

Once An Hour, On The Hour

A quick update to J's devilish orders from afar, which I wrote about in my last post.  Turns out that She needs to stay out of town a while longer (boo!), but She continues to send daily emails with requirements for me to carry out, and recently added an amazing new twist.

i now am required to perform a specific action on the hour for every waking hour of the day. J sends these along in Her daily email of commands, and has made it clear that there is absolutely no excuse for failing to fulfill this demand, no matter what may be happening at work or elsewhere. So far there have been two:

The first was to text Her the words "i adore my Mistress." This seemed like it wouldn't be too difficult, but turns out that there were a few cases where i either had to leave a meeting or, and this one immediately put me into a very subby headspace, text those words to J while sitting or talking with someone. Writing those words in the presence of other unknowing people quickened my heart rate almost immediately, in a delicious way...i felt my face flush, hopefully people didn't catch on...=-)

The second was to harshly slap each of my bare inner thighs twice. This, obviously, is a little trickier. Most of the time at work or out of the house i would be able to slip into a restroom to do this, after first making sure no one was around. But twice i had to pull over the car while driving and slide my pants down a bit to smack my thighs on the side of the road. And i found that i had to plan things like getting on the freeway or going for long walks around this new hourly requirement.

J has promised She has a few more in mind, and has even hinted that this tradition may continue once She is back next week. As much as it has been a major bummer to be apart, i remain in awe of my amazing Wife and the incredible imagination and control She continues to wield over me, even from thousands of miles away.

Orders from Afar...

J's been out of town for work for most of the last couple of weeks, and while that obviously means we can't play together, it doesn't mean we haven't been playing. Even from across the country She has been keeping me well in the palm of Her hand.

For starters, J left a series of daily orders to keep me fully in touch with the fact that i am still Her slave, even when we are apart. She designated a morning worship spot in our living room, and each morning before i did anything else i knelt there naked, nose to the floor for 20 full minutes. Once that was done i had permission to begin getting ready for the day.

Before i leave the house each day, J has ordered that i kneel and place one kiss on the toe of each of Her shoes in the closet while She is away. She has long ago had me line Her shoes in order in the closet and keep them arranged, so this is a matter of kneeling down and kissing each one as i crawl along the floor. It serves as a lovely last reminder before i leave the house of J's control, and helps me feel Her presence strongly before i leave our shared home.

J also ordered that each day while She is away i am to strip immediately upon returning home, kneeling on the cold tile of the entryway and kissing the floor 30 times, each time whispering "i belong to Mistress J." Then i am free to do whatever in the evenings, provided i keep Her house spotless and do not in any way touch my cock or masturbate.

We have had some wonderful phone sex, i had the pleasure of helping J cum one night while She was in Her hotel room which was wonderful. i have not been allowed release, which is of course driving me crazy but also of course up to J to provide release, or wait until She returns in a few days.

One thing She has started doing over the last few days is also sending me a daily email with additional tasks, requirements or commands. These have ranged from menial tasks at home like scrubbing the kitchen floor while clamped using only an old toothbrush to the more public and demeaning...each day is different, depending on her mood, and each email is full of surprises. Some examples:

-J ordered that i go into the bathroom at work (which is a single, pretty private bathroom) and spend 90 seconds masturbating, moving up and down my shaft and increasing the speed until i can barely stand it. i am not allowed to cum but must get as close as i can, and then go back to work as quickly as possible, ideally still hard and flushed from the experience.

-J has also ordered that i write "Property of J" on the shaft of my cock, and then write "J's slave" on each inner thigh. This meant a couple days of not going to the gym (for obvious reasons), as well as always knowing that those words were there while i was in a meeting, driving with a friend or wherever. She also ordered that i spend 15 minutes staring at the words that evening as soon as i got home as a reminder.

-i have also been made to figure out which compass direction J was from me, then find a spot that faces that direction on a wall and kneel there holding a poker chip against that wall for 20 minutes. i had to describe where it was in the house and She will verify it when She returns.

-J also ordered me to the grocery store while my nipples were clamped, and then had me pick out a number of humiliating items. i was also ordered to the mall while clamped to a Victoria's Secret, where J commanded i find the cutest sales woman and have her help me pick out a new bra for J while i was clamped. This was probably the one where i felt my heart race most of all, my face flush the whole time...though i suppose lots of men are like that at The Secret...wonder if they're all clamped, too?
 
-She has also twice emailed with a very specific time of day and a strict demand that i call Her at that exact minute. Whether She answered or not Her phone would log the call and She would know. Luckily i made both, though i did have to leave a meeting to make one of the calls. Talk about feeling fully controlled!

-i have also had multiple emails ordering me to be fully naked from the moment i enter the house until i leave, usually wearing some kind of accessory like my collar, nipple clamps, gates of hell or something else.

-She also ordered me to do something to myself we have never done together: rubberbanding. Specifically i had to kneel with legs spread and then slide a rubberband over each thigh. Then i had to pull each out and snap it back 10 times on the top of each thigh, then 10 times underneath. i must say i was amazed at how effective that was, especially as something i can easily be made to do to myself. J even called once to listen in, and seemed delighted with the loud SNAP! sounds, as well as with my whimpering...

i am (of course) ready to explode, and am in awe of how much control J is wielding from afar, and how much She seems to be enjoying it. When She left the daily commands it was already more than i expected, and the new surprise emails have been a new touch i did not expect. She gets back this weekend and i cannot wait to see Her for all kinds of reasons, not only because we truly do miss each other when we are apart, but also to kneel at Her feet and thank Her profusely for keeping me so fully in her lovely grasp while She was away. 

Femdom Clue!

We are both great fans of board games, whether intricate new games like Settlers of Catan or the classics we grew up with.  We have spent many a night with good friends over a board game, and have a bunch of games stacked up in one of our closets. i never suspected they would come in handy in our new marriage dynamic, but the imagination is a wondrous thing...=-)

We were having one of those days where you look around your house and figure out what you want to give away to Goodwill, and we pulled out the game Clue from forever ago. You all remember Clue, right? Where you have to move around the board and eventually figure out who killed "Mr. Boddy" in what room and with which weapon. There are six characters, six weapons and nine rooms, so you'd eventually figure out that it was something like "Professor Plum with the revolver in the library."

We realized we hadn't played Clue for years and were considering giving it away when J got this little smirk on her face and chuckled to Herself.

"What?" i asked, having no idea what was to come.

"I just had a thought...it could be fun to make a Domme-sub version of Clue. You know, with different 'weapons' and characters and all that."

i laughed, and then the imagination immediately started whirring. J's was already in high gear from the look on Her face. Obviously, the 'weapons' were the place to start, in the original game there was the candlestick, rope, revolver, lead pipe, wrench and knife. While some of those might make for useful Domme tools, we figured we had six replacements at the ready.

It didn't take long to settle on the flogger, paddle, nipple clamps, vibrating butt plug and gates of hell (as a mild cbt device...something more sinister is our next "to buy" item). We kept the rope for the sake of continuity...and because J is growing more and more fond of binding me up with rope. 

For the rooms, we figured the rooms of our house would work just fine, so we decided on the bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, living room, garage, basement, dining room, den/guest room and hallway.

We're still working on the characters, for now we just settled on the Domme, who obviously gets to use the weapons on Her own "Mr. Body," (me, though not in a murderous way). =-)  We started kicking around ideas for new characters but we've never really been all that into roleplay as far as pretending to be nurse-patient or teacher-student or something like that so we put that aside for the time being.  i can see how that could be fun, but it just hasn't really been a big fantasy for either of us.  Perhaps the magic of Clue will bring some of that out.  Come to think of it, J has mentioned cowboys a couple times recently, and i'm sure She'd love to hogtie one of those one day...maybe i should start looking for a hat.

We made some rudimentary cards and rather than try and set up the board or anything we just played a couple of hands for fun.  This was basically me drawing a weapon and room and then the two of us going there so J could do Her worst.  For example, J with the flogger in the kitchen was a good one, as was J with the rope in the hallway, J with the nipple clamps in the garage, J with the flogger in the bedroom (an oldie but a goodie), J with the paddle in the bathroom (palms down on the toilet! that was a new one...) and J with the butt plug in the kitchen.  You get the idea.

We are still kicking around more ideas (and any suggestions in comments are more than welcome!) but for now it's been kind of a fun way to spark some spontaneous play.  i do find myself wondering how i'll feel if and when we ever play standard old Clue with friends ever again...perhaps a "Miss Scarlett with the flogger in the conservatory" will accidentally slip out. Oh well, the perils of a femdom marriage i suppose...

I'll also say that we started digging through some other board games as well...it's been incredibly fun to think about some of the old classics in a new way, and i'll be sure to share some other discoveries in the future.=-)

In the meantime, any ideas, suggestions or thoughts are welcome in comments. Are there any games you have re-imagined? i'd love to hear any suggestions...

A Day Beneath Her

Last weekend we had our first free day together in a loooong time. And as has been Her custom, J found a good way to put it to use. While i have (of course!) still been providing J with Her nightly foot rubs, things have been kind of busy recently, and quality time together has been lacking. We have managed to have some lovely small moments here and there, usually first thing in the morning or late at night, but life has been a bit too busy these last couple weeks for much more. But last weekend we made up for some lost time. =-)

To begin I should mention that, as much as She wields great power over me, J is only about 5'3", while i am more like 6'2".  Though with the new emergence as a Domme She is also somehow able to seem like She is seven feet tall just through the tone of Her voice or a look in Her eye. She also never hesitates to get me down on my knees or on all fours as suits Her purposes.

For Saturday, though, She had something a little different in mind...

J was already up when i awoke, and as i sleepily stumbled into the living room She smiled, greeting me with a devilish "good morning, dear," and pointed to Her feet. She stretched languidly back on the couch wearing nothing but one of my old t-shirts, and i immediately set to work massaging Her feet. She looked down at me with what has become a familiar wicked smile.

"Now slave, I want to try something out today. It will require diligence on your part, but I think you can handle it."

"Yes, my Lady," i smiled, eager to hear what was coming, my hands still massaging and caressing Her lovely feet.

"As you know, I enjoy seeing you down at my feet, and often like seeing you wriggling on the ground or crawling on all fours. I think I'd like to see more of that in fact. So for today, you are to keep yourself lower than me until I say otherwise. That means your eyes should always be lower than my eyes. Your arms lower than my arms. You whole body, in fact, always beneath me. Do you understand?"

i quickly responded "yes," wondering what was to come.

"Good. Now go and fetch your collar, and keep the toy bag out where we can easily get to it."

i stood up, and immediately realized it was a mistake. The harsh look from J was instant confirmation.

"You didn't last ten seconds! Get over here, and do it properly," J seethed.

i dropped to all fours and crawled, careful to keep my head low as i approached.

"Better. Now kneel, facing me." i did as ordered and almost immediately felt a SMACK across the cheek. J's slap stung, tears welling up on my face as She smacked me again across the other cheek.

"Now what did I say?"

"That i am supposed to stay below You today, my Lady," i replied, shaking a little.

"And what did you do?"

"i...i failed, my Lady."

"Yes you did. Now close those eyes and keep that face still."

SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! Four quick slaps and i could feel the heat on my cheeks, my eyes burning with tears of pain and shame.

"Will you listen now?" She demanded.

"Yes, my Lady" i breathed, eager to make amends and feeling incredibly submissive.

"Good. Now go fetch your collar. And bring the toy bag as well."

i crawled on all fours, J calling "head down!" as She does sometimes, an order to crawl with my nose as close to the floor as possible. i returned with the collar out and presented it to J, careful to keep my head low.

She held out the collar for me to kiss once, then slid it around my neck, clasping it shut. She then reached into the toy bag and pulled out one ankle cuff and a short length of rope. i stared confusedly as She slid the ankle cuff around Her own ankle, and then ordered me down by that foot.

"Now slave, we are going to start by having you worship the ground I walk on for a bit. Tie the rope to the ring on my ankle, and then to the ring in your collar. It should be short enough to keep your head lowered."

i complied with trembling fingers and J arose, looking down at me now bound to Her right foot.

"Good," She grinned. "Now let's take you for a walk. And you are to kiss the ground i walk on after each step, and not fall behind. Got it?"

"Yes, my Lady," i replied breathlessly.

J picked up our long thin-stringed flogger and set off. At first it was difficult to keep up with Her, especially as i was planting a tender kiss on each place where Her lovely foot had just trod. A little experimenting with the pace however, and more than a few stinging lashes with the flogger on my back and ass, got me in step.

J seemed delighted as She dragged me around the house, across the carpet, the merciless tile of the kitchen and bathroom, and up and down the stairs more than a few times. i was gasping and straining after a short while, my knees burning and body tensed, my mind focused on nothing but worshiping the small piece of floor in front of me that J had just stepped on.

After a time J returned to the couch and ordered me to untie the rope connecting my neck to Her ankle. She then had me crawl over and fetch Her a drink, then kneel beside Her holding it as a kind of human end table as She surfed the internet for a while.

Then She brought me back to the bedroom, where She had me lay down. She crawled on top of me, holding a set of nipple clamps and Her pink vibrator. J clamped me tightly, tugging the chain to make sure my nipples were firmly attached (they were) and then slid Her sex up and down my yearning cock, teasing me as She allowed me to enter Her. She sat back grinning.

"Happy, slave?" She asked, yanking the chain and bringing an audible yelp out of me.

"Yes, my Lady. i love to be beneath You," i breathed.

She smiled. "I know you do. And I love to see you there. But you won't be cumming yet. Just me," She smiled again, grabbed the nipple clamp chain like a set of horse reins and began using Her vibe. Gazing up at Her as She closed Her eye in pleasure, the shiny steel chain entwined in Her fingers as She delivered pain while She was pleasured, was exquisite. It did not take long for Her to begin bucking Her hips, and She screamed as the first orgasm came.

As She caught Her breath J continued to twirl and tug and yank the chain, delighting in my squirming. My yelps of pain, wide eyes and sharp breathing seemed to arouse Her even more, as two more orgasms soon followed before J deemed Herself satiated. As She crawled off me She gave the chain one more tug before removing the clamps.

"Mmmmmm...that was lovely. Now let's see...should we let you cum now?" J asked.

"Only if You wish, my Lady. i am Yours...Your slave. Your property," i breathed, my mind swimming deeeeep in subspace.

"Mmmmm...good answer, slave," J smiled. "I think not yet."

For the rest of the morning and early afternoon i remained always beneath J, which meant lots of kneeling, crawling and supplication. It also meant that when i was tasked to prepare lunch i was forced to make sandwiches on the floor, reaching up from my knees for what i needed. J took delight in watching me struggle, and i was able to keep the sandwiches off the floor, and the floor off the sandwiches, which seemed to make Her happy.

Eventually we needed to head out for some later afternoon errands. Before releasing me, J took my face in Her hands and kissed me softly, saying that She was very pleased with how well i had done at staying beneath Her, reminding me that it is where i truly belong, and assuring me that that day would not be the last time we played that game. i was not allowed release, but the rush of being put into such a submissive position was truly amazing.  Can't wait for next time...=-) 

This Morning...

...J woke me up with a quick shove. She was still lying beside me in bed.

"You'll find your collar down by my feet, slave. Go down, kiss each foot three times, and then bring it to me."

i was awake at once, and getting hard by the time i crawled down to the foot of the bed. i did as ordered, placing a sweet kiss on each beautiful, silken foot.

As the collar slid in place and J secured it around my neck i felt that familiar feeling of devotion, submission and deep love wash over me. That feeling of the collar sliding around my neck and closing tight, J peering down at me with a twinkle in Her eye and wicked grin on Her face, is one of my favorite things in the world.

"Now slave...you will go make me two eggs with toast, a bowl of that pineapple in the fridge and a cup of coffee. You have 15 minutes to do it all, bring it to me on a tray here in bed, and commence rubbing my feet as I eat. Any later and there will be consequences."

i hustled into the kitchen, scrambling to get everything done and back in time. i had to grind the coffee and made a mess, which needed to be cleaned and cost precious time. As i stared at the toaster while flipping the eggs i began to sweat with anxiety, fearing i wouldn't make it.

Upon returning to the bedroom my fears turned out to be accurate.

"18 minutes, slave. Poor form, dear," J said, Her voice dripping with disappointment. "Hand me my breakfast and get down there to my feet...but know that there will be consequences."

i crawled down, focusing on Her feet as She ate. Twice when J spilled some breakfast She ordered me to lick it up with my tongue, once some egg and once some fruit. After She was done i was also ordered to clean the bed sheets of all toast crumbs with my tongue. It was agonizingly slow but after my earlier failure i was sure to be extra thorough and actually met with J's approval.

"Now...you were three minutes late. What's your excuse?"

"i...i am very sorry my Lady. There is no excuse for such failure, and i submit myself for Your punishment."

"Good answer. Now let's see...well, we will be drawing one card each from the Punishment Box for each minute. But seeing as I have to go to work soon, we'll save those for later. For now, go and stand against the wall, eyes closed, hands above your head pressed against the wall and feet apart."

i did as commanded, and then shuddered as i felt J wrap one of Her scarves around my head again and again, covering my eyes tight and wrapping around my ears to dampen the sound.

"Now you will stay like that while I shower, and await your punishment."

"Yes, my Lady," i whispered.

J showered and dressed in the bedroom as i stood, shivering from the cold and trembling with fear and anticipation. She then slid Her hand across my back and brought Her mouth close to my ear.

"Now you will stay like that until I release you, isn't that right, slave?"

"Yes, my Lady" i whispered.

"No matter what?"

"Yes, my Lady. No matter what."

"Good. Now I am going to work. You are to stay until released. Got it?" J laughed as She said this and watched me gasp and tremble more vigorously.

"i...yes, My lady" i whispered, my mind whirring.  How long was i going to be kept imprisoned here? My arms were already aching and legs shaking. Would it be all day? All morning?

i heard J walk out the front door and close it tightly, then heard the car start up and drive away. Apparently this was serious...and my mind began to whir in panic as i heard the car drive away.

i stood there for what felt like forever, in the dark and alone, under the complete power of my Lady. i was shaking and aching but did not dare move. Even though i was not bound in any way, my submissive mind so strong that it was as good as being chained to the wall.

Finally i heard the door open again, after what felt like an eternity (but was probably more like half an hour). J entered the bedroom and immediately slid Her nails down my naked back, scratching marks down me to further mark me as Hers.

"Hmmmm...doesn't look like You moved slave," J whispered.

"No, my Lady."

"Good...though I bet you will now."

With no further warning i felt an incredibly sharp sting on my ass, then another one and another. i screamed as the new sensation cascaded down...this was not something J had ever used on me before, and it hurt! We have pretty much used paddles and floggers, and this was more like how i imagine a switch or a cane might feel. VERY stingy, without the harder thud of a paddle. It was agonizing.

"Now count for me, dear...you will be receiving 10 strokes for each minute you were late."

"Yes, my Lady. Thank You, my Lady," i breathed.

The strokes came fast and furious, sometime swinging hard, sometimes a little softer. J worked me over, moving from my ass to the backs of my thighs and up and down. By the end i was screaming out each number through gritted teeth and rapid breath, sweat pouring down me under the incredible sting.

After thirty i sagged, my arms sliding down the wall. J immediately barked out a "tsk, tsk, tsk...that won't do," and gave me 10 more.  i was shaking and on fire by the time She was done.

J slid the scarf off my face, pinching my burning ass mercilessly as She removed the blindfold. She spun me around and ordered me to my knees, where i knelt and kissed each foot three times to thank Her, as i always do after a punishment.

J was holding an end of tree branch She had found the other day, the perfect size and shape for her to use on me. She had a wicked grin as She asked, "like my new toy?"

"yes, my Lady," i answered, my eyes wide as She stood over me.

"Good. Because this is not the last you'll see of it," She grinned. "Now on to the punishment box...we'll have to get to these later since we're busy the next couple days, which is why I wanted to give you a reminder of your failings this morning. But I think the anticipation will only add to the other punishments, wouldn't you agree?"

J laughed out loud at the look on my face, then caressed my cheek gently before giving it a quick slap and ordering me to fetch the box.

She was sitting down when i got back and i knelt before Her and handed Her the box. She drew three and handed them to me, ordering me to read them aloud.

"Rice" was the first one - a painful session kneeling on rice on the hard kitchen floor, then the tedious task of picking them up one at a time.

"Lines" was the second one - we use the Fond of Writing software, which allows J to set the number of lines and all kinds of devious little distraction boxes, backwards writing and other ways to trip me up.

"Mushrooms" was the third one - i have written about that one before...ugh.

All in all quite a way to start the week. i am still sore and marked after this morning, and still have lots of punishments to come. It's all more than worth it, however, for the chance to serve and be the slave of such a wonderful, beautiful Wife. The way She just decided to exert Her authority for no particular reason this morning is just the latest sign of how far She has come in embracing Her new role as Domme, and how lucky i am to be Hers...forever.